How to annoy Eragon in 22 steps
by loves-emo-guys-with-hair
Summary: I REPOSTED! IT WAS DELETED! Now, upon request, any how to annoy list can be written out in the reader's point of view! flame wish; a must read if you just want to laugh
1. Poor Brom

This is _How to annoy Eragon in 22 steps_, the written and performed version, for my faithful readers who were treated unfairly by unAUTHORized deletion of stories. This is written in the first person, so you can enjoy in the way that I see it in my weird, twisted little head. By the way…OMD means oh my dragon…XD

How to drive Brom crazy in 22 steps

Disclaimer: I do not own the Inheritance Cycle because if I did you would be reading this in the book, not on this

* * *

I walked up to Brom, grinning from ear to ear.

"Hey Broom." The man glanced up from sharpening his sword with a scowl.

"Hey, who are you talking to?"

"I'm talking to you Braun." Brom blinked.

"What is wrong with you? My name is not hard to pronounce…you've been doing it since you were little…were you practicing a new spell and it messed with your mind?"

"No…hey…O-Ancient-one-with-no-dragon, I heard from a certain fortune teller that you loved someone and she died because of it. Who was it?"

"…" Brom stared at his student, in shock of his rudeness and his question. "…" I waited for a moment, before widening his eyes and covering his mouth in shock.

"OH MY DRAGON! IT WAS DURZA WASN'T IT? I should have known!" Brom cut his hand on his weapon from his surprise.

"What? What is wrong with you? Why are you acting this way?"

"You know…its your fault that your dragon died…if you were stronger and made better decisions, she would still be alive."

"What? You don't know anything!" Brom stood up, furiously, sword in hand. "You don't know what was happening during those times, didn't you listen to those stories that I told?"

"No…those stories were stupid, boring, and had a dry plot…and anyways, Galbatorix rocks."

"…"

"Hey…can I count your gray and white hairs? You don't want to look older, do you? I'll pull them out of your head too…so they can go away and leave room for the un-old hair to grow."

"No." I frowned at his refusal of my happiness, and pulled a rope out of nowhere (AKA my invisible pocket) and proceeded to tie him up. Once I did the somewhat difficult task, I began to enjoy his captivity.

"1…" **YANK**

"OW!"

"2…"** YANK**

"OW!"

"3…"** YANK**

"STOP!"

"4…"** YANK PULL TUG TEAR RRRRIIIIPPP**

"OW!"

"Oh…6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16…"

"STOP!"

"Fine…it was boring anyways…hey…Brom, can I ask you something?"

"No."

"Please…no one told me the answer to it, and its been bothering me forever!"

"…What is it?"

"Where do babies come from? I don't say the stork or the Dragon Baby-giver…I know those aren't real."

"…But the Dragon Baby-giver is real…"

"Be serious Brom…and since we're on the topic…how do they get wherever they come from?"

"…"

"Brom…why is your face red?"

"…"

"Fine…don't answer my question…but here's a not-so-hard-or-awkward-question for you."

"…You knew it was awkward?"

"Yeah…I knew the answer to it too…but I just wanted to see what you would've said."

"…"

"Why did you die so early in the movie, when in the book, you had a slow…painful…death because of the Ra'zac…and in the movie you were killed by Durza with a spear?"

"…I'm not dead…what are you talking about?"

"Not yet you aren't…can I kill you with poison like how the Ra'zac did to you and see which one's cooler to watch?"

"NO!" I snorted.

"Tch…I'm doing it anyways…I just asked to seem nice and thoughtful…DIE!"

I will let the you all imagine how you attacked and poisoned Brom yourselves here, and once your done with your own little twisted tortures, review and tell me what you did to him so I can laugh at his pain!! XD BACK TO THE STORY/LIST!

Once I poke Brom's remains with my trusty stick, I pull out my book of _The Forbidden word of the Ancient Language that old geezers don't tell their awesome students_ (which was written by the totally cool Galbatorix), and look up 'resurrection spells' in the glossary. Once locating the spell, I recited the weird sounding but at the same time really fun words, and brought Brom back to life.

"Hey Brom, You know that you're going to sacrifice yourself for an ijit who's going to get killed by his hot brother, right?" Then I killed him again with my trusty sword, and then I resurrected him again. "Hey Brom, You know that you're going to sacrifice yourself for an ijit who's going to get killed by his hot brother, right?" Oh…this is going to be fun…I am bored, and I am enjoying his looks of terror that he gives when he sees me…I will be doing this for a while.

5 minutes later

"Hey Brom, guess what? Eragon died because he committed suicide. Apparently he figured out that the rabbits were plotting against him. He knew he was no match for them…I could've told him that…they're too fluffy for him…duh…gosh…the dumbness of blondes…" Brom stared at you will a look of horror.

"…"

"You know Brom…since you watched Eragon because you thought that he was going to turn into his father…but you were wrong."

"…?"

"Well…you should have watched Murtagh, he's the one taking after his father…and he's sooo much hotter…both sides would have won! But you screwed up again…gosh Brom, can you do anything right?"

"…"

"And while you're pondering on that question, my new question is what do you think the definition of sexy is?" I walked away to let Brom think of all the things he messed up on and my new, slightly weird question, and went to the next town to book two rooms for the night at the motel. After I got the rooms and decorated them accordingly, I came back and Brom followed (dragged) me back into town for the night. I wished Brom a good and pleasant sleep and walked into my room, and turned on my T.V that I had wired to feed live footage of his room. Brom walked into his room, automatically closing the door, not aware that it now cannot be opened unless I press the button that is _so far _from me (I don't want to lift my hand and move it half a foot to the left to press the green button). When Brom turned on the light, he came upon my reason of asking what sexy was. There were posters and pictures everywhere…not a single clear space on the wall that didn't have some picture that a hormone-controlled teenage boy owned and hid under his bed.

"OMD!" Right when Brom thought it couldn't get worse, I made it worse. I pushed the red button on my remote and Justin Timberlake's song _Sexy Back_ began to play in Brom's room, blaring loudly from the hidden surround sound system that I placed all over the room. Yes…I will enjoy this to its fullest…and now I will make it better by putting this song on repeat…Mwahhahahahaha…yawn…I'm tired…I think I shall sleep now…goodnight Brom…I hope you have a fun and sexy time in your room…mwahhahahahaha…

The next day

"Hey Brom…what's wrong with you? You look tired…had a rough night?"

"He's bringing…sexy…back…us…other…fellows…don't…know…how…to…act…"

"OH! I LOVE THAT SONG! So Eragon's room worked after all?"

"…What?"

"Yeah…Eragon picked the room and had it decorated for you…he said something about it being a gift since you were so nice to him when you were training him to become a Rider."

"…ERAGON!!"

* * *

Lol…I think that works…this is now how I will write the How to annoy Eragon characters in 22 steps…the admin deleted the original since it was a list…so now I am furiously rewriting in hopes to give my offerings (chapters) to my beloved reviewers…TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! And on a more pathetic note…did anyone happen to copy and save my Eragon, Arya, and Thorn…I don't have those save on my computer…so…help a pathetic writer out…list what you remember so I can make their lives miserable!!

Loves-emo-guys-with-hair


	2. Brom's list

How to drive Brom crazy in 22 steps

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon because if I did you would be reading this in the book; not on this

* * *

Constantly mess up his name. (Ex. Broom, Braun, O-Ancient-one-with-no-dragon)

Ask him who he loved and how it lead to her demise

Cover your mouth

Say: OH MY DRAGON, IT WAS DURZA WASN'T IT?!?!?! 0.0

Resurrect him to say: You know that you sacrificed yourself for an ijit who's going to get killed by his hot brother, right?

Repeat everyday until it happens.

Then once Eragon dies, say: Guess what? Eragon died because he committed suicide. Apparently he figured out that the rabbits were plotting against him. He knew he was no match for them (they are too fluffy).

Tell him that his dragon died because he was too pathetic to do anything for his life.

Ask why he died so early in the movie, when in the book, he had a slow…painful…death because of the Ra'zac…and in the movie he was killed by Durza by an spear

Ask him if you could kill him with poison like the Ra'zac in the book to see which one is cooler to watch.

Do it anyways if he says no.

Tell him that his stories are stupid and Galbatorix rocks.

Say: You should have watched Murtagh, he's the one taking after his father…and he's sooo much hotter.

Ask if you could count and pull out each one of his white/gray hairs.

Do it anyways if he says no.

Ask him uncomfortable questions. (Ex. Where do babies come from? How do they get there?)

Ask: What do you think is the definition of sexy? (Guess why you're asking that)

Decorate a room full of magazines, CD covers, and posters full of things that are what guys with no life or friends (esp. girlfriends) have.

Lock Brom in room.

Play: _I'm bringing sexy back_ by Justin Timberlake.

Put said song on repeat.

Blame Eragon

* * *

_**NO OFFENSE TO ERAGON FANS FOR NUMBERS:5-7, AND ALSO NUMBER 13!!!!!**_

I figured that some people wanted to know what the original looked like, so what i think im gonna do is do the written out version, put that long line, then write the actual list, then put two long lines so you know that this is an authors note...makes sense, right?

Thnx,

L-E-G-W-H


	3. Eragon

How to drive Eragoncrazy in 22 steps

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon because if I did you would be reading this in the book; not on this

* * *

1) When he is confused, say: ask Brom…seem shocked that Brom is dead

2) Say that sapphire is a girly color… & it's perfect for him

3) Compare and contrast him & Murtagh; Murtagh's hot…fine…strong…

4) Compare and contrast him & Orik; Orik's strong…that's all I can think of…

5) Call him a stupid blonde (thought he was a brunette)

6) Ask continuously if you can ride Saphira…when he caves in, go & _pimp his ride!_(w/ her permission o/c, make sure it's not permanent!!

7) Tell him he will be lonely forever…b/c he can't get over Arya

8) Say that you saw Saphira and Thorn…_together_…alone…

9) unsupervised…after watching a _chick flick movie marathon_…

10) you know…those movies when someone is making out every 3 scenes…

11) then add that they were arguing over how big of an idiot he is

12) Tell him that Murtagh is going out w/ Arya

13) Paint a cat red & scream Eragon "i captured thorn!!"

14) when he comes running, show cat

15) run

16) While he is listening to the forest around him…squash ants & say oops

17) continuing #4: he has a wife which means he is "_husband material_"…_ewww_

18) Scream any given time; say that you saw either Brom or Durza

19) While he talks to you, zone out. When he asks you what, say Murtagh is soooo much hotter than him

20) While he is asleep, cover him with Saphira's food scraps; when he asks you why, tell him you are doing an art project, you decide to call it: _Dumb sleep hard_

21) While Saphira is out on her hunting trips; find a big stone…paint it like this blue-red color (that makes purple, doesn't it?), polish it, bring the stone to Eragon once it dried & shiny. Tell him that you found the stone while going through Saphira's hideaway when Thorn comes over. Comment how it looks kinda like an egg & how Saphira has been moody & looks a _little_ bit on the plump side.

22) Watch reaction. Then see what he says to Saphira when she gets back.


	4. Arya

How to drive Arya crazy in 22 steps

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon because if I did you would be reading this in the book; not on this

* * *

1) Tell Arya that Falion (or whatever his name is) is gone & dead…get over him & go w/ Eragon before the idjit kills himself b/c a broken heart

2) Ask her how old she is

3) Tell her she looks older than Oromis, Durza, & Galbatorix put together

4) when she gets mad, act offended & say: well, you do!

5) Ask her what _really_ happened when Durza captured her

6) Tell her that a blond is stalking her while ya'll are the market place

7)say; no, _seriously_ there is a blond stalking her, he's been following us for the past _hour_

8) say: is that Eragon?!?

9) or it is Durza?

10) nope…it's Eragon, I recognize the bad haircut,

11) go: ooh, ooh, ooh!! Let's mess w/ him by getting Murtagh

12) when Arya asked how will Murtagh will help, just smile

13) w/ Eragon in full view, get Saphira & Thorn to bind Arya & Murtagh together in a seemingly close (making out) embrace

14) take pic. & copy. Keep one & threaten to send other on the internet

15) use copy as blackmail!

16) Exist

17) Ask Arya why she is a strawberry-blonde, not a raven black chic

18) Ask: do blonds really have more fun?

19) glare Arya; when she asks what, mumble: stupid wannabe elf.

20) when you see her, yell: HI MARY SUE!!!

21) Sing Kelis' Milkshake every time Arya walks into a room; refuse to stop singing until you finish

22) When she tries to kill you, scream: GOSH, FOR THE LAST TIME, _I DO NOT WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU!! STOP STALKING ME YOU GAY PERVERT!!_(Be sure to have a lot of people around to hear you)


	5. Murtagh

How to drive Murtagh crazy in 22 steps

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon because if I did you would be reading this in the book; not on this

* * *

1) Say a random moments: you're hot

2) Ask to see his scar...constantly

3) Take Thorn on a joyride when Murtagh is about to go somewhere

4) Have Galbatorix make Murtagh do odd things around the castle (palace, whatever he lives in), like clean Shruikan's living area…

5) Ask him what type of shampoo he uses…& tell him he _might_ have to change it because his hair looks a _bit_ greasy

6) Ask him why he gave Thorn that particular name

7) Tell him that Nasuada is looking for him & she likes the "bad" Murtagh

8) Scream random moments: you're hot

9) Compare him to guys like Orlando Bloom and other guys that girls go crazy over...& the occasional boy w/ good taste of cute guys

10) Ask him what color his dad's dragon was, what was it's name

11) If Thorn was the same name as his dad's dragon's name, point out how Saphira was named after Brom's dragon and Brom killed his dad; then ask if the same thing will happen again, but w/ the _2nd_ generation, but w/ Eragon in place of Brom

12) ask: who will kill whom?

13) Ask if black is his favorite color, if he asks why, say: well…i went through your closet… and the colors i saw were… black… & hot pink…sooo…i thought…black was your favorite color…

14) or is it pink?

15) Say random words in the Ancient Language, when he asks what you said, just smile

16) Have staring contest w/ Thorn…when Murtagh asks what are you doing, say: we're seeing who has the biggest eyes o.o 0.0

17) Claim you have the biggest eyes

18) Glare Murtagh, when he says, what? Just mumble, stupid hottie

19) Look around the corner repeatedly, when he asks what's wrong, say you thought you saw a little green tail go around the corner… it's probably nothing… i'm just seeing things…again

20) then remember that Galbatorix said to tell him that the last dragon egg has hatched & to find it b/c it got lost in the castle (?)

21) mention that the egg was green

22) 0.0; say: OOPS!! :-)


	6. Angela

How to drive Angela crazy in 22 steps

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon because if I did you would be reading this in the book; not on this

* * *

1. Say that frogs are actually toads, and toads cause warts

2. Ask her how old she is

3. Mention that a real witch would have been able to heal Eragon after the fight with Durza

4. Talk to her about the Salem Witch trials

5. Ask if you could read her fortune; totally mess up her life with that fortune

6. Steal Solembum for a random thing that you can say is an 'anti-witch program'

7. Make Solembum the official mascot of the program

8. Ask her questions that have no answer (ex. What is time? Who gave it the name? Is it meant to have the name as Time? How come it couldn't be named…)

9. Be logical, have an answer to everything

10. Disagree with everything she says (ex. Toads are frogs that are actually skinny toads)

11. Ask if she and Brom had a relationship, since when Eragon told her that he died, you were shocked, because…

12. pause for dramatic tone

13. HE TOLD YOU THAT TOADS ARE ACTUALLY FROGS!

14. Steal her huthvirn (double sided staff), give it back to the dwarfs

15. Ask her questions about other peoples' fortunes, repeatedly

16. If she won't answer, continue to badger

17. When she finally gives in, gasp and say: I thought it was supposed to be for that person and alone!

18. Decorate a room with frogs (toy frogs, posters of frogs, books with frogs in it, etc.)

19. Lock Angela in room

20. Play: _Little Green Frog Song_

21. Put said song on repeat

22. Blame Solembum

**Lyrics to the Little Green Frog Song:**

_Mmn-at, went the little green frog one day_

_Mmn-at, went the little green frog…_

_Mmn-at, went the little green frog one day_

_And his eyes went Mmn-at too._

_Toot toot, went the little red truck one day_

_Splat splat, went the little green frog…_

_And his eyes didn't go Mmn-at anymore 'cause he got licked up by a dog, Woof woof!_

* * *

**This is a real song, I went to a camp from age 9 to 13, and I learned this song and various other disturbing songs, you will hear more of these, probably when I have no idea what song would harass a character. So you will probably see the moose song soon too! **

**L-E-G-W-H**


	7. Durza

How to drive Durza crazy in 22 steps

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon because if I did you would be reading this in the book; not on this

* * *

1. Tie him to a chair

2. Use duct tape to tape his face in a tight expression

3. Say: Look! No wrinkles!

4. Throw Chap Stick at him and scream: USE THIS, IT ACTUALLY WORKS!

5. Ask why he looked so scary in the movie. It looked like his body gave up on him and everything got old

6. Attempt to paint his nails the same color that his hair is: stoplight red

7. Talk about his glittery stripper outfit-err-I mean clothes

8. Tell him that the Urgals are trying to host a 'looks like I'm gonna need a death day' party

9. Ask why his nails were so melty in the movie

10. Wrap your eyes in bandages and say: I know what you and Arya did during her "capture"

11. AND IT LEFT ME BLIND!

12. Tell him that there is a new makeup that gets a rid of wrinkles (but if he wants to, he'll need to buy the company)

13. Tell him that he died because he couldn't fight a near blind Dragon Rider (NO OFFENSE TO ERAGON FANS-it's just so friggin funny)

14. Look at him and say: I see a wannabe Michael Jackson!

15. Say that you can see into the future, and in his future you see: Him becoming the King of…THE FLUFFY HAPPY BUNNYS!

16. Spread rumor that he had an affair with Shruikan

17. Take his smoky dragon for a walk

18. Name smoky dragon: G.I. Light (Gone in light (since it's smoke, in a lot of light, it'll disappear))

19. Decorate a room with Chap Stick, hair dye boxes, and beauty magazines

20. Lock him in the room

21. Play: _You are Beautiful_ by Christina Aguilera

22. Blame Galbatorix


	8. Galbatorix

How to drive Galbatorix crazy in 22 steps

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon because if I did you would be reading this in the book; not on this

* * *

1. Call him Gabby

2. Ask him how old he is

3. Say: You look fifty years older than _that_ so tell the _truth_

4. Play with Shruikan (ex. Horsy, dress up, karaoke; what a little kid plays)

5. Stare at his head

6. When he asks why you're staring just say: It's just so shiny

7. Then mention that _that's_ how deer freeze on the road, the light blinds them so much, they stop

8. Every time that he starts yelling, mumble: Male PMSing is a dangerous thing…

9. When he is talking to you, ask a question that has nothing to do with the topic (ex. When he talks about _World Domination _you ask: When is Murtagh/Eragon going to be here? He promised that we could go tag the alleys with 'Galbatorix is gay and Brom rocks!'

10. Exist

11. Act stupid daily until he cracks, which means he is ready to spill your blood onto the ground in front of him (nobody can tell you exactly how _you_ annoy people, this fanfic is just how I would do it)

12. Start a fight between the Urgals over something ridiculous (ex. If Gabby is gay or not)(who really knows?)

13. Spray paint Shruikan (RAINBOW DRAGON! THE RAREST OF THEM ALL! XD)

14. Play dress up with his clothes (They are so retro, OOBER COOL!)

15. Decorate the castle (?) One hint: Frills and lace…hot pink

16. Ask why he went wannabe emo and try to kill every Dragon Rider and their dragon

17. Scream: WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL MY BABY? (Will work for either Murtagh or Eragon)

18. Paint a room purple and fill it up with rainbows, smiley faces, pretty much anti-emo stuff

19. Lock Galbatorix in room

20. Play _I Love You_ by everyone's fav. Purple dino: Barney!

21. Put said song on repeat

22. Blame Varden

* * *

Number 17 is dedicated to the fangirls that can control themselves, and everybody's fav. RABID FANGIRLS! RAWR!

L-E-G-W-H


	9. Katrina

How to drive Katrina crazy in 22 steps

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon because if I did you would be reading this in the book; not on this

* * *

1. Go back in time and tell her that she's going to get kidnapped by the Ra'zac

2. AND RAPED!

3. Tell her that Roran is cheating on her

4. Say her father is planning to make her marry…ERAGON!

5. Call her the simpler or country version of a 'Mary Sue'

6. When she asks why, say: You're not perfect, but you manage to get yourself kidnapped by creepy things, get betrayed by your dad, and have a somewhat 'Romeo and Juliet' relationship…that's Mary Sue-ish

7. Ask her why she wasn't in the movie

8. Scream at random moments, when she asks you what wrong, say: I thought I saw the spirits of the animals your father butchered behind her

9. Look at her, then say: since you weren't in the movie, does that mean you're not with Roran anymore?

10. Ask her when is her Roran's baby due

11. In front of her father

12. Tell her that while Roran was traveling to 'save' her, he met Kim, Andrea, Amber

13. Brittany, Rachel, Monica, Ashley, Amy, Maria, Trisha, Lisa, Nikki, Joanne,

14. Jamie, Tiffany, Dinah, Erica, Jasmine, Aurora, Lorie, April, and Diamond.

15. Tell her that she must not have been an important if she wasn't in the movie

16. Scream: The soldiers have kidnapped Roran and your father, and to get them back, you have to…

17. Pass out…wake up and scream: You have to make out with the Ra'zac

18. Decorate a room with glass, pumpkins, mice, mirrors, castle pictures, brooms, mops, tea, and English things.

19. Lock Katrina in said room

20. Play _Cinderella_ by the Cheetah Girls

21. Put said song on repeat

22. Blame Sloan

* * *

By. Far. The. Hardest. Person. To. Annoy. Seriously! I admire Katrina and like her a lot! So, flame me if you wish on this chappy, I don't care, but this was really hard to write, let alone think of something to annoy her with!

L-E-G-W-H


	10. Nasuada

How to drive Nasuada crazy in 22 steps

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon because if I did you would be reading this in the book; not on this

* * *

1. Tell her that you can see into the future

2. Say: If it wasn't for you, your father would be alive and the Varden wouldn't be dying

3. Scold her saying that she needs to stop flirting with a Dragon Rider that's evil, HSYDIWHATMBH (hot-sexy-yummy-I-want-him-all-to-myself-bwahahaha!)

4. Scream: LACE IS NOT GOING TO SAVE ANYONE UNLESS IT'S POSSESED AND WILL WRAP AROUND SOMEONE'S NECK AND STRANGLE THEM IF THEY SAY THE WORD: FOOFY!

5. Ask her who her mom is

6. When she doesn't say who say: ITS SAPHIRA ISN'T IT!

7. Tell her how sad it is for her to need protection from a child (Elva)

8. Coming back to number 1: You foresee the destruction of the Varden…Galbatorix easily and forcefully defeated the Varden

9. And while the Varden were dominated, she was trying to bed Murtagh (failed!)

10. Force her to read Nasuada/Arya lemons…(I haven't read any myself, but it just sounds scary…yikes…)

11. Ask her how old she is

12. Say: You look fifteen years older than _that_ so tell the _truth_

13. Tell her she looks like a moose

14. Scrawny, unattractive, big-ego-ed, moose

15. While thinking to yourself, mention out loud: Instead of Lady Nightstalker…Lady Manstalker…

16. Scream: ERAGON JOINED MURTAGH AND ARE ATTACKING THE VARDEN…AND…

17. Pass out…wake up and scream: THEY STOLE YOUR THONGS! Galbatorix said he wanted them back

18. Decorate a room like a forest/lake…lots of trees…grass…bugs (not required)…stuff like that

19. Lock Nasuada in said room

20. Play _The Moose song_

21. Put said song on repeat

22. Blame Murtagh

**Lyrics to The Moose song:**

_Moose…say moose_

_Swimming in the water_

_Eating his supper_

_Where did he go?_

_He…fell asleep!_

_Moose…say moose_

_Swimming in the water_

_Eating his supper_

_Where did he go?_

_He…fell asleep!_

(Act like sobbing)

_Moose…say moose_

_Not swimming in the water_

_Not eating his supper_

_Where did he go?_

_He…decomposed!_

* * *

**Sad isn't it…another song taught to nine year-olds…for the people who didn't get it…Moose was swimming in the water, eating, and then fell asleep, causing himself to drown…hence the decomposed…poor, traumatized nine year-olds…they liked moose's…lol…UNTIL NEXT TIME!**

**L-E-G-W-H**


	11. Roan

How to drive Roan crazy in 22 steps

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon because if I did you would be reading this in the book; not on this

* * *

1. Ask why he not really in the movie at all. Seriously…he was just kinda in and out in like…30 seconds

2. Have a casual conversation with someone with Roan nearby…mention loudly how him and Eragon looked like they could be twins

3. The say how if you looked like Eragon, you would've committed suicide a looooooonnnnnnnng time ago (stress long time)

4. Replace his hammer with a Nerf hammer

5. Then throw him in battle with a load of Urgals (while screaming: BASH THEM IN THE HEAD HARD!)

6. When he dies, say: oops XD

7. Resurrect him so you can continue the list…dressed up as a Urgal

8. Blame him for leaving his father with his cousin

9. Tell him that Katrina is going to leave him because he doesn't fit her father's standards

10. Say: If you stayed home, Garrow could have LIVED!

11. Then mumble: for about five more seconds before the Ra'zac killed you and him with Seithr Oil

12. Act like a two year old

13. After you make him cry because you're the devil's spawn (just throw a temper tantrum) tell him that you're just getting him ready

14. When he asks you what he's supposed to get ready for, cover your mouth, get big eyed and say: oops…I promised Katrina that I wasn't supposed to tell you that she's pregnant with triplets

15. Get big eyed and say: oops…YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT! Then proceed to hit him with a large pan to insure that he is unconscious and 'never heard anything'.

16. When he wakes up, stand over him with the pan in hand and ask him what was the last thing he remembers; if he mentions kids, knock him out again.

17. Continue step 16 until he catches on and doesn't mention it, or he dies because he has a concussion; if that's the case, resurrect him so you can finish.

18. Call him a dumb blonde (yeah, boys can be dumb too…everyone knows that)

19. Get Sloan in a room

20. Lock Roran in said room.

21. Play Sloan's version of _Girlfriend_ by Avril Levine

22. Blame Sloan

**Sloan's version of _Girlfriend_**

_Hey, Hey, you, you!_

_You're not going to be her boyfriend_

_No way, No way!_

_Go find a new girl_

_Hey, Hey, you, you!_

_She's not gonna to have a boyfriend_

_Hey, Hey, you, you!_

_I know that you like her_

_No way, No way!_

_Might as well get over it_

_Hey, Hey, you, you!_

_She's not gonna have a boyfriend!_

* * *

I would do the whole song, but I don't have the CD (want it, but don't have it) or lyrics…or time to find the lyrics. Thnx to Angeloflove4eva! Tell me in your reviews who you want next! And if you're especially good, I'll do the whole song (I'll just blow off studying for Spanish, yo hablo español buena) (well...some what).


	12. Shruikan

How to drive Shruikan crazy in 22 steps

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon because if I did you would be reading this in the book; not on this

* * *

1. Ask him why he lived when his original Rider was killed by the _same _person who is his current Rider/King/Dominator/Ruler

2. Continue number 1, until he attempts to make you into BBQ

3. Paint him while he's asleep…hint, rainbow

4. Tell him that he was one of your favorite characters in the movie…he really had you at the edge of your seat when he came on…for that half-a-second on the movie until it ended…just like that

5. Ask him if he doesn't want his nails done with pink glittery nail polish that won't come off by any means

6. Do his nails with pink glittery nail polish that won't come off by any means

7. When he gets mad…claim that it's not opposite day (which means it is)

8. Tickle him…if he's not ticklish…poke him until he gets annoyed

9. Hold your finger in front of his face…millimeters away from his nose

10. Say in a high little kid voice: I'm not touching you…

11. Constantly ask him why he was only in the movie for that half-a-second…_constantly_

12. Follow him where ever he goes

13. When he tells you to stop, pause and stare at him with big eyes

14. When he starts going away again, wait a second, and follow him again

15. Booby-trap his bedroom door with a LARGE HUMONGOUS bucket filled with ice cold water

16. Make sure that there are several cameras in the room to capture the prank

17. When he comes for blood, blame his dead original Rider

18. Decorate a room with cotton balls, clouds, rainbows, mythical stuffed animals, glitter, and smoke bombs (Make sure that stuff is sprayed with potion that makes it inflammable)

19. Lock Shurikan in said room

20. Play the theme song from _Puff the Magic Dragon_

21. Put said song on repeat

22. Blame deceased master/Rider

* * *

Shurikan was a bit hard to type…well…it was hard to start, it took a bit, but once I got started, I finished in ten minutes…sorry for the late update…I'll try to update the next chappy sooner…I'm wondering about if I should do the Ra'zac…any ideas? Put'em in your reviews! :3


	13. Solembum

How to drive Solembum crazy in 22 steps

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon because if I did you would be reading this in the book; not on this

* * *

1. Say: here Kitty, kitty, kitty in a high squeaky voice when he comes into a room.

2. Ask: So…how do you know Maud?

3. Have there been were-kittens in the relationship?

4. Talk about how werecats are smart, and then ask a pointless question that has no answer (ex. Chicken or egg)

5. Ask how old he is

6. Tie little booties to his feet so he walks trying to shake them off

7. Make baby coo noises at him like what almost every girl does when she sees a kitten, puppy, or any baby animal (ex. AWW!)

8. Call him fluffy, or snookims or a stupid cat name as so (no offense to people who name their cat a name like that)

9. Dunk him in water

10. Pet him repeatedly, then stop, then yell at him for shedding

11. Threaten to de-claw him

12. Dress him in baby clothes and rock him back and forth

13. Put him in a room with little kids. They'll hug him to death

14. Make him pink (the first multicolored cat!)

15. Laugh at his human form

16. Throw a ball of yarn in front of him

17. Say: I know you can't resist it

18. Say in a high squeaky voice: Solembum…Solembum; Then in your regular voice: See! It _is_ calling you!

19. Rent a movie room, preferably IMAX

20. Lock Solembum in said room

21. Play: _Cats Don't Dance_ and the play_ Cats_

22. Blame Angela


	14. Thorn

How to drive Thorn crazy in 22 steps

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon because if I did you would be reading this in the book; not on this

* * *

1) Ask how it's like to have a hot guy for a Rider

2) Talk about types of roses

3) When he asks why you're talking about roses, say: Well…you could just _tell_ me what rose thorn you're named after…but what's the fun in that?

4) Tell him he looks like a chicken that fell in red paint

5) Ask if he's worried that Saphira could end up with the other dragon egg instead of him

6) When he's coming back from a hunting trip, wait 'til he is about a hundred feet away and then scream: the apocalypse! It's coming! It's raining balls of fire! Aaaaaahhhhhhh!

7) Proceed screaming and running, while convincing others to follow your example, causing mass chaos, while Thorn is still flying towards you.

8) Stop screaming and point accusingly to Thorn.

9) Say: Wait…false alarm…it's just a red chicken…

10) Sigh, turn to the others that were panicking and say: you can stop now…it was just the dragon who was trying to make us all panic and eventually kill each other so Galbatorix can blame the Varden and get them in trouble.

11) Turn to Thorn and scold: bad Thorn, bad! No roses for you!

12) Proceed to swat his nose with a rolled newspaper and walk away.

13) Hide behind a tree and record/laugh at all the dirty looks that the people now give Thorn.

14) Tickle him…if he's not ticklish…poke him until he gets annoyed

15) Exist

16) Force him to take you for a joyride (threaten to spray-paint him with rainbow colors in his sleep if he doesn't)

17) Spray-paint him with rainbow colors when he sleeping anyways

18) Decorate a room with skimpy men shirts that are glittery and low-cut necks. You know…the ones that we want Murtagh (and Eragon ({bleh}) to wear

19) Lock Thorn in the room

20) Play: _I'm too sexy for my shirt_

21) Put said song on repeat

22) Blame Saphira fans (no offense to said Saphira fans, ya'll got revenge for Saphira's bikini incident)

* * *

Sorry for the long update…its hard trying to annoy a dragon that you don't really know anything about XD

Loves-emo-guys-with-hair :3


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